To do, but sometimes to knit

Have you ever had one of those days when you come home from work and feel paralyzed? And instead of being productive and doing the extra little things on your "to do" list, you just kind of sit and space out? I'm having one of those days. Actually, I'm having one of those weeks.

Sure, I get the necessities done like folding laundry and cooking and washing dishes. But now that I'm preparing for an international move, my list of things to do has gotten more complicated. And stressful. So instead I knit. I'm making great progress on my latest project.

Here are a few things from my "to do" list:

- cancel my internet service
- fill out retirement reimbursement forms for Theater
- change my address at the post office
- photograph and inventory my furniture, kitchen items, etc. that still need to be sold/given away
- finish gathering documents for German income tax return
- sort through things to take home to Seattle and pack boxes to send
- contact airlines about possibility of shipping boxes as cargo
- repaint apartment

It's not that any of these things are that difficult. But each of them are a bit stressful and time-consuming and when I'm done with a stressful rehearsal at the theater, I don't want to add any more stress to my day and end up going home. To cook. And fold laundry. And knit.

A few months ago I started displaying a lot of my finished knitting projects on this blog and I received a lot of positive feedback, but also the comments that I am a very "fast" knitter and I sure seem to fly through projects at a record pace. Well, the truth of it is, many of those finished projects represent some kind of little hump I was trying to work through, and the meditative process of knitting helps me deal with whatever life dishes out.

I knit this scarf after Joe left Germany in January. We had spent a really great month together and when he left, my life in Coburg was not the same. I was sad, lonely, and I used yarn and needles to turn that sadness into something warm and soft that comforted me.




















In March I resigned from the Landestheater. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done, but I didn't doubt my decision for one second. However, making the decision and starting to plan a different future and leave Germany was very stressful. I knit this cardigan with yarn I bought when I was back in Seattle to audition for opera companies, using a pattern written by a woman who was also transitioning her life from Germany back to the United States. The cardigan looks a lot like "Tracht," traditional German clothing, and to me represents the mixing of my lives in Seattle and Germany.
















This is one of the most mentally-challenging projects I have ever knit. It was my first lace project, was knit on tiny needles and I had to graft almost 400 stitches together (in ribbing) to complete the project. I began this project after my Grandfather took a turn for the worst after having heart surgery in February. He passed away soon after and I felt like a prisoner in Germany. My relentless performance schedule and distance from home kept me from being with my family at such a difficult time, and escaping into the repetition of this knitting project helped me work through the grief I had to go through alone.
















When I wear these finished garments now, I don't feel sadness, stress, or grief. When each of these projects came off the needles, I was happy to see that I had accomplished something. I had made something positive with my own two hands. And I could pick up my needles and begin something new.

I hope when I am done with my current knitting project I can move towards my impending move with a lighter heart and more focus. But until then, I'll let my to-do list sit for awhile and go back to my cozy couch to knit a few more rows before bed.